Understanding Our Children's Rolemodels and Breaking Away From Old Thinking.....

           Everyone's got an opinion, right?  Everyone knows different things, right?  Everyone believes different things, right?  It's like we walk into the mall and pick out our own custom wardrobe of morals and values we want to have in our human makeup, and we leave the ones we don't find attractive on the floor.  

         Parents try to shelter their kids from the lifestyles that they don't understand or see as dangerous, which is understandable, but it is the wrong approach.  It is totally natural for anyone to see characteristics in other people and desire to have those characteristics themselves.  Maybe, instead of thinking we know why our children are looking up to certain role models we should seek to understand, specifically, what it is exactly that our kids like about their role models and why.  
            
             When I was younger, I did not get the help I needed from my father.  He was traveling for work and gave very vague, broad answers to very difficult questions and so when I was confused; I looked for answers elsewhere.  Tupac Shakur was my idol growing up.  Here's a man that shot 2 off-duty police officers that were harassing a black motorist in traffic.  He attempted to intervene, emotions escalated and he shot both of them.  The charges were later dropped due to one of the officers being in possession of evidence stolen from the police evidence locker.  Now a person could look at that situation and call Tupac a criminal for shooting 2 cops.  I don't understand how people can be so easily convinced of this kind of thing.  This was a REAL man in my eyes.  Here is a man that had no obligation to a complete stranger and followed his beliefs, and his heart and commited a "crime" that could have cost him his life.  AND he did it entirely on someone else's behalf.  He didn't know he was going to get off.  In fact, I'm sure he thought he was screwed, but he followed his heart and his beliefs, kept his faith in God, and the powers that be saw him through to justice.  Who are we to point our fingers and judge when we have no idea what really occured?  The determining factor for me was, what was one of the officers doing with evidence stolen from a police locker?  That makes me think he was probably a dirty cop.  Maybe he was trying to plant evidence?  Unfortunately, we will never know for sure.  Only the parties involved will.  Sadly, Tupac is no longer with us today.  May his soul rest in peace.
   
             I don't believe any child is "misguided" because of their role models.  They are misguided because of their parent or parents lack of help, and in turn, they desire characteristics that they wish to have for themselves in these individuals and may happen to adopt some of the more negative traits of that individual.  Children can't be blamed for this.  A child's mind is like a sponge, constantly soaking up the world they live in, and when we fail to attempt to understand their interests and we deem them as "different", than us, instead of unique, THEN we have failed them.  We have given up without realizing that we've given up.  Who wants to hang out with someone we don't share the same interests with, anyways?  Human beings associate with others we can relate to.  When our children take interest in certain individuals we should always seek to understand what qualities these individuals posses that our children find appealing, rather than judge them for what WE see them as.                                   

          There are so many broken, hurting children who aren't getting what they need from their parents.  And when their parents stop giving them encouragement and acknowledgment and neglect the attention these kids need, these kids turn to friends, celebrities, and idols to imulate.  They ALWAYS will.  We humans need our own identities and it is not wrong to seek that out in others, so before we judge,  we should ALWAYS seek to understand because the beginning of knowledge is understanding large things are built from small things, so we must seek to understand the core of our children's interests and beliefs.  After all, we become who we pretend to be.  One can only front for so long before that facade becomes a part of their personality.

-Ryan Mita 6/1/14

THE ONLY THING THAT IS CONSTANT IS CHANGE....NEW AGE PARENTING FOR TODAY'S UNIQUE KIDS.

       Today's children are growing up in a world that is vastly different than any generation before in history.  Just within the last 10 years our technological world has changed more than words can say.  These changes in technology have changed the way that we humans communicate.  With so much stimulation for a child's mind to soak up, parents need to pay closer attention to how our children are interpreting and processing all of this information.  The right approach would NOT be to shelter them from these stimulations, but to acknowledge their curious minds. 
     
        We moved from the industrial revolution quickly into the information age.  Our baby boomer generation was raised in a time period where the "American Dream" was still a real concept.  It produced many successful citizens who now have "problem children"  The rapid change in our civilization from the baby boomer generation to generation X also required a change in traditional parenting, but many households failed to do this and many broken families remain.  The result; many of those children are now adults in their early 20's or early 30's, who still act like children because their parents still treat them like children.  Many of these baby boomers continue to try to help guide their children by imposing their will into their children's lives instead of letting their kids make their own choices and suffer their own mistakes.  From so many years of trying to teach, may have forgotten that people learn things through learned EXPERIENCE.  Without pleasure we wouldn't know pain, and without love we wouldn't know hate.  So when parent's take away their child's free will a child learns to blame their parents for the consequences in their life.  Just like discipline means something different than punishment, teaching is different than forcing.  The old saying goes: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink", and parenting is no exception.
     
        Parents today need to take a much more hands on approach raising their kids.  Every child is unique and special in their own ways and instead of trying to "guide" them to the life we want them to lead, we should pay more attention to their needs and interests, and help them to develop their talents.  When we understand what our kids are good at and what they ENJOY doing, we can make better choices on what directions to encourage them to go.  Instead of trying to pound a puzzle piece into the wrong spot.  Many of generation X's problem kids are a result of parents' "good intentions" gone wrong, and the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Let's right the wrongs of the past and LISTEN to our children, so that history does not repeat itself.  Take time out of our busy days to answer our kids' questions as best we can and ask them questions so that we can understand how our children are perceiving their worlds.  After all...perception IS reality, right?

-Ryan Mita